1 00:00:12,950 --> 00:00:16,257 ♪ My words are lazy ♪ ♪ My thoughts are hazy ♪ 2 00:00:16,257 --> 00:00:19,565 ♪ But this is one thing ♪ ♪ I'm sure of ♪ 3 00:00:19,565 --> 00:00:23,177 ♪ Everybody needs ♪ ♪ A best friend ♪ 4 00:00:23,177 --> 00:00:25,876 ♪ I'm happy I'm yours ♪ 5 00:00:31,969 --> 00:00:35,973 Man. I can't believe we're halfway through senior year. 6 00:00:35,973 --> 00:00:38,932 Yeah, time flies when you're stoned fifteen hours a day. 7 00:00:39,150 --> 00:00:41,195 Everyone sure has changed since we got here. 8 00:00:41,413 --> 00:00:43,067 I mean, Clive's even got a beard now. 9 00:00:43,067 --> 00:00:45,156 Ted: He looks like Chuck Norris quit karate 10 00:00:45,373 --> 00:00:47,636 and started calling himself Charles Norris. 11 00:00:47,854 --> 00:00:49,943 He looks like an admiral who defies the President's order 12 00:00:50,161 --> 00:00:51,162 to nuke a Russian sub. 13 00:00:51,379 --> 00:00:52,946 He looks like a man of letters 14 00:00:53,164 --> 00:00:56,950 who sexually satisfied Barbra Streisand in 1978. 15 00:00:57,168 --> 00:00:58,691 You know who hasn't changed at all? 16 00:00:58,691 --> 00:01:00,258 - Who? - Me. 17 00:01:00,475 --> 00:01:03,130 I'm the same fucking loser I was the day I walked in here. 18 00:01:03,348 --> 00:01:04,349 You know, I'm gonna go to college 19 00:01:04,566 --> 00:01:05,567 having never had a girlfriend. 20 00:01:05,785 --> 00:01:06,917 How fucking lame is that? 21 00:01:07,091 --> 00:01:07,961 What about Bethany? 22 00:01:08,179 --> 00:01:09,049 No, I'm talking about, 23 00:01:09,049 --> 00:01:10,703 like, a real relationship. 24 00:01:10,921 --> 00:01:12,966 Everyone in school's got it figured out, but not me. 25 00:01:13,184 --> 00:01:14,794 I'm the last single guy left. 26 00:01:14,968 --> 00:01:16,883 I mean, the jocks have the cheerleaders. 27 00:01:17,057 --> 00:01:18,319 Andrew's got Polly. 28 00:01:18,319 --> 00:01:19,973 Even all the gay kids have carpal tunnel 29 00:01:20,191 --> 00:01:21,366 from giving each other handjobs. 30 00:01:21,366 --> 00:01:23,890 I can't believe Blue Cross covers that. 31 00:01:24,804 --> 00:01:26,501 Hey, what about Erin? She's single. 32 00:01:26,719 --> 00:01:29,026 And remember, Susan told us she's not a total bitch. 33 00:01:29,243 --> 00:01:30,984 God, she's so fucking hot. 34 00:01:31,202 --> 00:01:33,030 Never happen, though. She doesn't date dorks. 35 00:01:33,247 --> 00:01:34,596 Hey, you never know. 36 00:01:34,596 --> 00:01:36,642 Maybe she's sick of guys with lots of confidence, 37 00:01:36,859 --> 00:01:38,905 chiseled jaws, and huge dicks. 38 00:01:39,079 --> 00:01:40,994 I'm too nervous to even masturbate to her. 39 00:01:41,212 --> 00:01:43,257 I get self-conscious and I got performance anxiety. 40 00:01:43,475 --> 00:01:46,043 Lately, I can only jerk off to people who are lesser than me. 41 00:01:46,043 --> 00:01:48,001 - Who? - Lot of Tammy Faye Baker 42 00:01:48,219 --> 00:01:49,263 and homeless women. 43 00:01:49,481 --> 00:01:50,873 Ah. 44 00:01:54,486 --> 00:01:56,053 Hey, what about NYU? 45 00:01:56,053 --> 00:01:58,011 Don't pick nothing too expensive. 46 00:01:58,229 --> 00:02:00,709 Don't worry, Matty. John's not getting into college. 47 00:02:00,927 --> 00:02:03,016 Hey, why not? I got a 2.6. 48 00:02:03,234 --> 00:02:04,757 Colleges don't just look at your grades. 49 00:02:04,975 --> 00:02:07,281 They also consider your extracurricular activities. 50 00:02:07,281 --> 00:02:08,761 You have zero. 51 00:02:08,979 --> 00:02:10,328 Oh, my God. John, she's right. 52 00:02:10,545 --> 00:02:11,764 It says "Activities," 53 00:02:11,982 --> 00:02:13,548 and then there's eight blank lines. 54 00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:15,986 Who the hell does eight lines worth of stuff? 55 00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:17,552 Tim Allen. 56 00:02:17,770 --> 00:02:19,337 People who actually go to college. 57 00:02:19,554 --> 00:02:23,210 I mean, I did debate, newspaper, swimming, volleyball. 58 00:02:23,428 --> 00:02:25,343 But John can't do any of those things. 59 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,084 He's just a boy. 60 00:02:27,301 --> 00:02:28,781 I could swim if there's an adult. 61 00:02:34,482 --> 00:02:36,267 There's no way to bullshit ourselves, Susan. 62 00:02:36,484 --> 00:02:38,312 We're in real financial trouble here. 63 00:02:38,312 --> 00:02:41,489 Well, you'll pull us through, Matty. You always do. 64 00:02:41,707 --> 00:02:43,230 I don't know. Not this time. We're not gonna-- 65 00:02:43,448 --> 00:02:44,449 We're not gonna stay above water, 66 00:02:44,666 --> 00:02:46,103 let alone pay for college 67 00:02:46,103 --> 00:02:47,669 unless I find other work. 68 00:02:47,887 --> 00:02:49,062 And you know whose fucking fault it is? 69 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,064 Oh, please don't say it's yours. 70 00:02:51,282 --> 00:02:52,065 Course not. 71 00:02:52,283 --> 00:02:53,066 It's fucking Clinton. 72 00:02:53,284 --> 00:02:54,720 - Oh. - Yeah. Why-- 73 00:02:54,937 --> 00:02:55,982 Why's he telling everybody 74 00:02:55,982 --> 00:02:57,157 they should go to college anyhow? 75 00:02:57,157 --> 00:02:59,290 Like I want to blow twenty-five grand 76 00:02:59,290 --> 00:03:00,769 so my son can turn gay? 77 00:03:00,769 --> 00:03:02,684 It should be cheaper to do that. 78 00:03:02,902 --> 00:03:04,295 I always thought John could get a job 79 00:03:04,512 --> 00:03:06,471 or-- or get drafted like I did, 80 00:03:06,688 --> 00:03:07,820 but there aren't even any good wars. 81 00:03:08,038 --> 00:03:10,083 This whole thing's my fault. 82 00:03:10,301 --> 00:03:12,216 I've been spending like a society girl, 83 00:03:12,216 --> 00:03:15,132 getting all my oil from Olay. 84 00:03:15,349 --> 00:03:16,959 I can find cheaper sources. 85 00:03:17,134 --> 00:03:18,961 No. Don't ever say that. 86 00:03:19,136 --> 00:03:20,398 You deserve the best skincare 87 00:03:20,615 --> 00:03:22,226 that Filene's Basement can offer. 88 00:03:23,096 --> 00:03:25,229 I'll find a job to pull us through to spring. 89 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:29,102 I saw a deer today. 90 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:30,277 I don't want to get involved. 91 00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:39,112 John: Jesus Christ. 92 00:03:39,330 --> 00:03:41,114 This is what it takes to get into college? 93 00:03:41,332 --> 00:03:42,420 These all look fucking awful. 94 00:03:42,637 --> 00:03:43,595 - Math club? - No. 95 00:03:43,812 --> 00:03:44,726 - Lacrosse? - No. 96 00:03:44,944 --> 00:03:45,640 - Soccer? - No. 97 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:46,511 - Astronomy? - No. 98 00:03:46,511 --> 00:03:47,294 Did the Holocaust happen? 99 00:03:47,512 --> 00:03:48,513 No. Oh, wait! No! 100 00:03:48,513 --> 00:03:49,601 - Ah, too late. - No. No, man. 101 00:03:49,818 --> 00:03:51,081 Fuck you. - Too late, too late. 102 00:03:51,081 --> 00:03:52,125 You're a monster. I'm telling everybody. 103 00:03:52,343 --> 00:03:54,214 Fuck you. Oh, hey, look at this. 104 00:03:54,432 --> 00:03:57,130 "Audition for Camelot. A Royal Delight!" 105 00:03:57,348 --> 00:03:59,132 Huh. What do you think? 106 00:03:59,350 --> 00:04:01,134 Well, if I try out, would you audition with me? 107 00:04:01,352 --> 00:04:03,136 - Sure. - How hard could acting be? 108 00:04:03,354 --> 00:04:04,616 I mean, John Travolta does it. 109 00:04:04,833 --> 00:04:06,400 Skeet Ulrich makes a living at it. 110 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,141 There's no way Tom Arnold does something we can't do. 111 00:04:08,359 --> 00:04:09,621 Matt LeBlanc seems to get by. 112 00:04:09,838 --> 00:04:10,970 Someone's paying Kevin Costner. 113 00:04:11,144 --> 00:04:12,406 Christian Slater sticks around. 114 00:04:12,406 --> 00:04:13,581 There's always plenty of Charlie Sheen. 115 00:04:13,799 --> 00:04:15,540 Craig T Nelson owns a house from acting. 116 00:04:15,757 --> 00:04:17,150 - I can act. - You can act. 117 00:04:21,589 --> 00:04:24,026 So, are you familiar with this location? 118 00:04:24,201 --> 00:04:26,203 Yeah. My dad died in here. 119 00:04:26,203 --> 00:04:27,508 Oh. Sweet. 120 00:04:27,508 --> 00:04:29,641 So why do you think you're qualified to work 121 00:04:29,858 --> 00:04:32,165 in a fast-paced environment with real growth opportunities 122 00:04:32,383 --> 00:04:33,645 like Dunkin' Donuts? 123 00:04:33,645 --> 00:04:35,603 I eat donuts and I know what coffee is. 124 00:04:35,821 --> 00:04:38,171 That's basically it. Welcome to the team. 125 00:04:38,389 --> 00:04:40,130 It's $4.25 an hour plus tips. 126 00:04:40,130 --> 00:04:41,870 Do a lot of people give tips? 127 00:04:42,088 --> 00:04:44,177 It's never happened once, but it might. 128 00:04:44,395 --> 00:04:45,657 I should get you a shirt. 129 00:04:47,049 --> 00:04:48,921 Jesus Christ. I gotta wear pink? 130 00:04:48,921 --> 00:04:51,184 Everybody does. It's how the cops know who not to shoot 131 00:04:51,402 --> 00:04:52,620 if anything goes down. 132 00:04:53,447 --> 00:04:56,102 Ah. We got a Marty. That's close enough. 133 00:05:01,063 --> 00:05:04,284 ♪ Tell me how am I supposed ♪ 134 00:05:04,284 --> 00:05:08,462 ♪ To live without you? ♪ 135 00:05:08,462 --> 00:05:14,076 ♪ Now that I've been ♪ ♪ Loving you so long ♪ 136 00:05:15,948 --> 00:05:21,214 ♪ How am I supposed ♪ ♪ To live without you? ♪ 137 00:05:21,432 --> 00:05:23,173 Okay. Okay. 138 00:05:23,999 --> 00:05:25,871 Thank you, Kenneth. I think that's plenty. 139 00:05:26,088 --> 00:05:28,526 Thank you. Um, you can go. 140 00:05:29,135 --> 00:05:31,268 Oh. Well, are you leaning one way or the other 141 00:05:31,485 --> 00:05:33,748 in regards to my inclusion in the play? 142 00:05:33,966 --> 00:05:35,663 Cast list goes up on Monday. 143 00:05:35,881 --> 00:05:37,317 Okay. Thank you. 144 00:05:38,362 --> 00:05:40,973 Poor Kenneth. He auditions for the play every year 145 00:05:41,191 --> 00:05:42,409 and he never gets cast. 146 00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,106 Yeah, I overheard Principal Bernard saying 147 00:05:44,281 --> 00:05:46,065 they're worried about his long term self-esteem 148 00:05:46,239 --> 00:05:47,545 and they may have to shoot him. 149 00:05:47,545 --> 00:05:49,111 Well, it's better than letting him suffer. 150 00:05:49,286 --> 00:05:49,982 Yeah. 151 00:05:49,982 --> 00:05:52,071 Hey, Johnny. Look. 152 00:05:54,943 --> 00:05:56,815 Holy shit, it's Erin. 153 00:05:57,816 --> 00:06:03,996 ♪ Kiss today goodbye ♪ 154 00:06:03,996 --> 00:06:07,217 ♪ The sweetness ♪ ♪ And the sorrow ♪ 155 00:06:07,391 --> 00:06:08,914 Fuck, she sounds really great. 156 00:06:09,131 --> 00:06:11,133 And she's pretty, so it means more. 157 00:06:11,133 --> 00:06:19,185 ♪ Wish me luck ♪ ♪ The same to you ♪ 158 00:06:20,969 --> 00:06:25,887 ♪ Won't forget ♪ ♪ Can't regret what I did ♪ 159 00:06:26,105 --> 00:06:29,282 Hey, Teddy. If Erin and I were both in the play, 160 00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:31,371 then I would get to spend every day with her. 161 00:06:35,810 --> 00:06:37,899 Erin, that was lovely. Thank you. 162 00:06:38,117 --> 00:06:39,597 Thank you. 163 00:06:39,814 --> 00:06:42,904 Okay. John Benet. 164 00:06:43,122 --> 00:06:44,950 Oh, it's, um-- It's Bennett. 165 00:06:45,167 --> 00:06:47,692 Of course. Sorry. I spent the summer in Paris. 166 00:06:47,909 --> 00:06:48,997 Come on up. 167 00:06:48,997 --> 00:06:50,303 All right, buddy, go fuck 'em up. 168 00:06:54,220 --> 00:06:55,352 Okay. 169 00:06:56,396 --> 00:06:57,702 I will be performing 170 00:06:57,919 --> 00:06:59,312 the "Not without my daughter" scene 171 00:06:59,530 --> 00:07:00,835 from Not Without My Daughter. 172 00:07:04,752 --> 00:07:06,232 Not without my daughter! 173 00:07:07,364 --> 00:07:08,408 Thank you. 174 00:07:09,540 --> 00:07:11,542 Okay. Thank you. 175 00:07:11,759 --> 00:07:14,414 Next, uh, Ted. 176 00:07:19,376 --> 00:07:21,203 Good job, man. That was powerful. 177 00:07:24,294 --> 00:07:26,644 Hi. Uh, Ted Bennett. Two feet five inches. 178 00:07:26,861 --> 00:07:28,428 I am locally based, SAG eligible, 179 00:07:28,646 --> 00:07:30,300 and I will not shave. 180 00:07:30,474 --> 00:07:33,825 Okay, I will be performing the theme from the Gummi Bears. 181 00:07:37,611 --> 00:07:41,136 ♪ Dashing and daring ♪ ♪ Courageous and caring ♪ 182 00:07:41,136 --> 00:07:44,444 ♪ Faithful and friendly ♪ ♪ With stories to share ♪ 183 00:07:44,444 --> 00:07:46,011 ♪ All through the forest ♪ 184 00:07:46,011 --> 00:07:47,839 Ted: ♪ They sing out in chorus ♪ 185 00:07:47,839 --> 00:07:51,408 ♪ Marching along ♪ ♪ As their song fills the air ♪ 186 00:07:51,408 --> 00:07:53,410 ♪ Gummi bears ♪ 187 00:07:53,410 --> 00:07:56,326 ♪ Bouncing here and there ♪ ♪ And everywhere ♪ 188 00:07:56,326 --> 00:08:00,025 ♪ High adventure ♪ ♪ That's beyond compare ♪ 189 00:08:00,025 --> 00:08:03,420 ♪ They are the Gummi bears ♪ 190 00:08:03,420 --> 00:08:06,771 ♪ They are the Gummi bears! ♪ 191 00:08:06,988 --> 00:08:07,989 Thank you very much. 192 00:08:12,429 --> 00:08:14,039 I have a question. 193 00:08:14,256 --> 00:08:16,476 Have either one of you ever seen a play before? 194 00:08:16,694 --> 00:08:17,695 - No. - No, we have not. 195 00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:24,397 John: Well, how much longer do you think it'll be? 196 00:08:24,615 --> 00:08:26,007 I don't know. He said 10 a.m. 197 00:08:26,007 --> 00:08:27,661 Well, maybe we just leave and come back later. 198 00:08:27,879 --> 00:08:29,402 Nah, this way, we can beat the crowd. 199 00:08:29,620 --> 00:08:30,838 Ah. Johnny, look. 200 00:08:34,842 --> 00:08:36,627 Okay, let's check it out. 201 00:08:36,844 --> 00:08:37,802 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 202 00:08:38,019 --> 00:08:40,413 - What? - Football jocks. 203 00:08:41,283 --> 00:08:43,373 John: Oh, shit. - What do we do? 204 00:08:43,547 --> 00:08:45,113 All right. All right, here's what we do. 205 00:08:45,331 --> 00:08:46,680 We walk by casually, 206 00:08:46,898 --> 00:08:48,421 and we check the list without stopping. 207 00:08:48,639 --> 00:08:49,640 Okay. Good plan. 208 00:08:49,857 --> 00:08:50,945 Here we go. 209 00:08:56,777 --> 00:08:58,170 Guard number one! 210 00:08:58,388 --> 00:08:59,606 Guard number two! 211 00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:01,608 - Hey! They're in the play! - Get 'em! 212 00:09:01,826 --> 00:09:03,436 Oh, shit! 213 00:09:03,654 --> 00:09:04,437 John: Shit! 214 00:09:06,526 --> 00:09:07,701 John: Oh, my God! 215 00:09:07,701 --> 00:09:09,486 Oh, man, are they gonna get it. 216 00:09:09,703 --> 00:09:12,097 So can you understand why what you did was wrong? 217 00:09:12,097 --> 00:09:13,881 I guess. I-- 218 00:09:14,099 --> 00:09:16,014 I mean, I'm still struggling to understand 219 00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:18,669 how our involvement in the play affects you. 220 00:09:18,886 --> 00:09:20,932 Well, it's just, when you're public about it, 221 00:09:21,149 --> 00:09:23,108 and I see you doing something like checking the cast list, 222 00:09:23,325 --> 00:09:25,502 it puts me in a position where I have to act. 223 00:09:25,502 --> 00:09:26,633 Where you have to come beat us up. 224 00:09:26,851 --> 00:09:27,982 Cameron: Exactly. 225 00:09:27,982 --> 00:09:29,375 To see students involved in the arts 226 00:09:29,549 --> 00:09:31,464 is just really kind of a nonstarter for me. 227 00:09:31,682 --> 00:09:33,379 It makes me uncomfortable. - All of us. 228 00:09:34,424 --> 00:09:35,903 We're all uncomfortable. 229 00:09:36,121 --> 00:09:37,470 And I just feel like school should be 230 00:09:37,688 --> 00:09:38,993 a non-threatening environment, 231 00:09:39,211 --> 00:09:40,342 and we should feel safe. 232 00:09:40,342 --> 00:09:41,909 And our participation in the play 233 00:09:42,127 --> 00:09:43,476 makes you feel unsafe. 234 00:09:43,694 --> 00:09:45,522 Deeply. I mean, that's all I'm saying. 235 00:09:45,522 --> 00:09:47,088 And I just don't think that's fair. 236 00:09:47,306 --> 00:09:48,481 I guess when you put it that way. 237 00:09:48,699 --> 00:09:50,091 - We were wrong. - We were wrong. Yeah. 238 00:09:50,309 --> 00:09:52,006 - I apologize. Yeah. - Yeah. Me, too. I-- I-- 239 00:09:52,224 --> 00:09:54,487 The last thing we want to do is make anyone feel uncomfortable. 240 00:09:54,705 --> 00:09:56,750 Okay, well, thank you for understanding. 241 00:09:56,968 --> 00:09:58,448 Oh, no. God, don't mention it. 242 00:09:58,448 --> 00:10:00,450 I've had this go so many different ways. 243 00:10:00,624 --> 00:10:01,799 I've had to beat up so many people 244 00:10:02,016 --> 00:10:03,322 with so many diverse interests. 245 00:10:03,496 --> 00:10:04,584 Oh, listen, we do not want to add 246 00:10:04,802 --> 00:10:06,499 to your already full plate. Really. 247 00:10:06,717 --> 00:10:08,414 - I appreciate that. - We'll be more discreet. 248 00:10:08,588 --> 00:10:09,894 Thank you. Really. 249 00:10:10,111 --> 00:10:11,983 - Okay. You have a good day now. - You, too. 250 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,506 Thanks. And stay dry. 251 00:10:13,724 --> 00:10:14,986 Looks like we might get some drizzle. 252 00:10:15,203 --> 00:10:16,117 We will. Thanks so much. 253 00:10:18,032 --> 00:10:20,992 This school is so fucking weird. 254 00:10:21,209 --> 00:10:21,993 Sorry, I forgot. 255 00:10:31,306 --> 00:10:32,830 Today we've been talking with some people 256 00:10:33,047 --> 00:10:34,745 who say they are all that, 257 00:10:34,962 --> 00:10:36,268 even though their friends disagree 258 00:10:36,486 --> 00:10:37,835 and say that they're just crap. 259 00:10:38,052 --> 00:10:40,228 Oh, my goodness. 260 00:10:43,144 --> 00:10:44,537 Look at this check, would you? 261 00:10:44,755 --> 00:10:45,930 Huh, you fucking believe it? 262 00:10:46,147 --> 00:10:47,671 I worked 40 hours this week. 263 00:10:47,888 --> 00:10:49,499 You know, this Dunkin' money 264 00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:51,501 is only half of what we need to get by. 265 00:10:51,675 --> 00:10:53,894 And we-- And we ain't taking any fucking handouts. 266 00:10:53,894 --> 00:10:56,375 Maybe I could get a job, too. 267 00:10:57,071 --> 00:10:58,769 You? Who's gonna make dinner? 268 00:10:58,769 --> 00:11:00,640 I'd still cook dinner. 269 00:11:00,858 --> 00:11:01,728 Who's gonna do the laundry? 270 00:11:01,946 --> 00:11:02,860 Well, I would. 271 00:11:03,077 --> 00:11:05,036 - Who's gonna vacuum? - Me. 272 00:11:05,253 --> 00:11:06,211 Well, as long as we're still splitting 273 00:11:06,211 --> 00:11:07,821 everything equally, then sure. 274 00:11:07,821 --> 00:11:10,389 Do they need any more help at the Dunkin' Donuts? 275 00:11:10,563 --> 00:11:11,869 They still got the sign up. 276 00:11:12,086 --> 00:11:14,262 Well, maybe I could be your little helper. 277 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:17,831 You and me, side by side, 278 00:11:17,831 --> 00:11:20,878 making the donuts and the coffee. 279 00:11:21,095 --> 00:11:22,183 Be so romantic. 280 00:11:22,183 --> 00:11:23,924 Yeah, great. Hey, do me a favor 281 00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:26,187 and boil a paperclip. I got a wart on my toe. 282 00:11:34,718 --> 00:11:36,894 No, no, no, no. Lancelot, Guenevere, 283 00:11:37,111 --> 00:11:38,548 you two are supposed to be in love, okay? 284 00:11:38,548 --> 00:11:40,027 I'm not feeling any passion here. 285 00:11:40,027 --> 00:11:42,900 Okay, sorry. She's giving me absolutely nothing. 286 00:11:43,117 --> 00:11:44,554 Excuse me? I'm literally 287 00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:46,512 pouring my guts out in this scene. 288 00:11:46,686 --> 00:11:48,514 Oh, that's what that smell was. 289 00:11:48,688 --> 00:11:50,908 - Fuck you. - Okay. Okay, let's-- 290 00:11:51,125 --> 00:11:53,171 Let's let's do some basic warm up exercises here. 291 00:11:53,388 --> 00:11:54,520 We'll clear our heads. 292 00:11:55,565 --> 00:11:57,741 Uh, Erin, I thought you were great. 293 00:11:57,958 --> 00:11:59,830 Oh, thanks. I feel so much better now. 294 00:12:00,047 --> 00:12:01,919 Hey, it's pretty cool that we get to work together 295 00:12:02,136 --> 00:12:03,311 for the next few weeks, huh? 296 00:12:03,311 --> 00:12:05,096 Let me nip this in the bud right now. 297 00:12:05,313 --> 00:12:06,967 Not interested in whatever it is 298 00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:08,621 that you're trying to get going here, 299 00:12:08,839 --> 00:12:09,927 so just stay out of my way, 300 00:12:10,144 --> 00:12:12,538 Guard number one or two or whatever. 301 00:12:12,712 --> 00:12:14,235 He's number one. I'm number two. 302 00:12:14,584 --> 00:12:16,368 Also, speaking of number two, 303 00:12:16,586 --> 00:12:19,153 sorry again about that time I shit all over you in class. 304 00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:20,111 Fuck off, bear. 305 00:12:20,328 --> 00:12:21,939 Okay. Erin, Nathan. 306 00:12:22,156 --> 00:12:24,594 Let's try a repetition exercise, okay? 307 00:12:24,768 --> 00:12:25,856 We'll start with something simple. 308 00:12:26,073 --> 00:12:27,945 Maybe "I like your shirt." 309 00:12:28,162 --> 00:12:29,947 Say that back and forth to each other. 310 00:12:30,164 --> 00:12:31,949 See if you can generate any emotion. 311 00:12:33,603 --> 00:12:34,952 I like your shirt. 312 00:12:35,169 --> 00:12:36,954 - I like your shirt. - I like your shirt. 313 00:12:37,171 --> 00:12:38,303 Thank you. It's Ralph Lauren. 314 00:12:38,303 --> 00:12:40,871 No. No, that's not how it's done. 315 00:12:41,088 --> 00:12:42,307 Look, someone else try. 316 00:12:42,307 --> 00:12:44,265 John, Ted. Our two guards. You guys go. 317 00:12:44,265 --> 00:12:45,745 This ought to be good. 318 00:12:47,529 --> 00:12:49,444 Uh, okay. 319 00:12:49,619 --> 00:12:50,837 I like your shirt. 320 00:12:51,055 --> 00:12:51,969 I like your shirt. 321 00:12:52,186 --> 00:12:53,274 I love your shirt. 322 00:12:53,274 --> 00:12:54,972 I fucking lied. I hate your shirt. 323 00:12:55,189 --> 00:12:56,408 You hate my shirt? Fuck you! 324 00:12:56,626 --> 00:12:57,975 Fuck you and your fucking shirt! 325 00:12:58,192 --> 00:12:59,454 Don't talk about my shirt. 326 00:12:59,629 --> 00:13:00,760 I'll fucking kill you, motherfucker! 327 00:13:00,978 --> 00:13:02,196 I'll fucking kill you 328 00:13:02,196 --> 00:13:03,589 and fuck your shirt, you piece of shit! 329 00:13:03,763 --> 00:13:04,982 Fuck you! 330 00:13:07,898 --> 00:13:09,377 Aren't you gonna-- 331 00:13:09,595 --> 00:13:11,989 Ted: I'll use your shirt to choke you out like a bitch! 332 00:13:12,206 --> 00:13:14,774 John: I'll strangle you and your whole fucking family! 333 00:13:14,992 --> 00:13:16,689 I'll fucking use your baby son 334 00:13:16,907 --> 00:13:18,996 as a club to beat your fucking mother! 335 00:13:19,213 --> 00:13:21,259 I never knew my mother! 336 00:13:23,435 --> 00:13:26,003 You never knew your mother? 337 00:13:26,220 --> 00:13:29,397 No. I never knew my mother. 338 00:13:31,051 --> 00:13:32,836 Or any of my aunts. 339 00:13:33,053 --> 00:13:36,404 Oh, Sydney, I'm so sorry! I had no idea. 340 00:13:36,622 --> 00:13:38,842 His name was Sydney in the exercise. 341 00:13:42,062 --> 00:13:44,195 Now that, that is acting. 342 00:13:44,412 --> 00:13:45,762 I'm not even wearing a shirt. 343 00:13:45,762 --> 00:13:47,154 Okay, everybody, let's take five. 344 00:13:47,154 --> 00:13:48,721 I gotta go over some notes with the stage crew. 345 00:13:51,593 --> 00:13:53,683 - Hey. - Hey. 346 00:13:53,857 --> 00:13:57,034 That was actually good. What you and Ted just did. 347 00:13:57,730 --> 00:13:58,688 Thank you. 348 00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:00,254 How, um-- 349 00:14:00,472 --> 00:14:01,560 How'd you do that? 350 00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:03,954 Oh, well, I watch a lot of movies, 351 00:14:04,171 --> 00:14:06,739 and I figured that all acting's basically just yelling, 352 00:14:06,957 --> 00:14:08,262 whispering, or crying. 353 00:14:08,262 --> 00:14:10,221 So I just picked one of those three things 354 00:14:10,438 --> 00:14:11,526 before I said anything. 355 00:14:11,701 --> 00:14:14,355 Huh. That actually might work. 356 00:14:14,355 --> 00:14:16,314 Thanks, John. 357 00:14:19,404 --> 00:14:21,362 What a fucking cunt, right? 358 00:14:21,580 --> 00:14:24,104 Hey, should we start a massage train? 359 00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:34,985 Okay. Susan, I'm gonna show you our employee orientation video. 360 00:14:35,202 --> 00:14:37,074 Oh, I'm so excited. 361 00:14:37,291 --> 00:14:40,120 I haven't seen a movie in seventeen years. 362 00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:41,339 All right. 363 00:14:49,608 --> 00:14:51,088 Here's your fresh dozen. 364 00:14:51,305 --> 00:14:53,699 Thanks for coming to Dunkin' Donuts. 365 00:14:54,874 --> 00:14:57,398 Smells delicious. Thank you. 366 00:14:59,139 --> 00:15:02,621 Hi. And welcome to the Dunkin' Donuts family. 367 00:15:02,795 --> 00:15:06,277 At Dunkin' Donuts, the customer always comes first. 368 00:15:06,494 --> 00:15:09,149 There are Dunkin' dos and Dunkin' don'ts. 369 00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,630 Let's look at a typical situation. 370 00:15:12,936 --> 00:15:16,113 Hello. I'd like a dozen of the chocolate glazed donuts. 371 00:15:16,330 --> 00:15:20,770 We're out of those Also, my shift just ended. 372 00:15:22,815 --> 00:15:24,077 director: Go! 373 00:15:27,167 --> 00:15:29,126 I'm not sure that customer 374 00:15:29,343 --> 00:15:31,171 will ever want to come back again. 375 00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:35,132 Now let's look at the right way to handle the question. 376 00:15:35,349 --> 00:15:38,135 Hello. I'd like a dozen of the chocolate glazed donuts. 377 00:15:38,352 --> 00:15:40,790 Good choice. You picked one of my favorites. 378 00:15:41,007 --> 00:15:43,009 I'll get them boxed and ready right away. 379 00:15:43,227 --> 00:15:45,359 Also, can I suck your cock for you? 380 00:15:45,577 --> 00:15:46,447 Oh, God damn it! 381 00:15:46,665 --> 00:15:47,753 Sorry. Sorry. 382 00:15:47,927 --> 00:15:50,060 That was clearly a Jeffrey prank. 383 00:15:50,277 --> 00:15:51,931 He was fired last month. 384 00:15:51,931 --> 00:15:54,194 But actually, everything before the cock thing was correct. 385 00:15:54,194 --> 00:15:56,849 So, look, just be nice to the customers 386 00:15:57,067 --> 00:15:58,677 and greet them with a smile. Can you do that? 387 00:15:58,851 --> 00:16:00,810 Oh, I love smiling. 388 00:16:00,984 --> 00:16:02,376 I'm always looking for new things 389 00:16:02,594 --> 00:16:05,205 and people to smile at. - Jesus Christ. 390 00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,165 Matty, let's see your best customer smile. 391 00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:12,647 Isn't this exciting? 392 00:16:12,822 --> 00:16:17,174 You and me, side by side, bringing donuts to the people. 393 00:16:17,391 --> 00:16:19,393 You should know, there's a guy with a hole in his cheek. 394 00:16:19,611 --> 00:16:22,092 Comes in every morning. Just puts the donut right in. 395 00:16:22,309 --> 00:16:23,180 It's horrible to watch. 396 00:16:23,397 --> 00:16:26,226 Oh, my. 397 00:16:32,232 --> 00:16:40,327 both: ♪ That we may love once more ♪ 398 00:16:43,417 --> 00:16:45,202 And here we'll do the big kissies. 399 00:16:45,419 --> 00:16:46,986 But let's wait until the actual show. 400 00:16:47,204 --> 00:16:48,422 We don't want to waste the chemistry. 401 00:16:48,422 --> 00:16:49,597 Guard number one, what are you doing? 402 00:16:49,815 --> 00:16:50,685 You're too far downstage. 403 00:16:50,860 --> 00:16:53,123 Oh. Uh, right. 404 00:16:53,340 --> 00:16:56,213 Um, Guenevere is married to King Arthur, 405 00:16:56,430 --> 00:16:58,041 so I figure as Guard number one, 406 00:16:58,041 --> 00:16:59,651 I'm probably not too happy about Lancelot hitting on her. 407 00:16:59,869 --> 00:17:01,609 So I'm up here getting ready to... 408 00:17:01,827 --> 00:17:03,873 ...you know, defend the state or whatever. 409 00:17:04,047 --> 00:17:05,613 Yeah. No. Step back onto your mark. 410 00:17:05,831 --> 00:17:07,441 Wait. Actually, I like that. What he said. 411 00:17:07,659 --> 00:17:09,313 At least somebody's treating me like royalty. 412 00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:11,271 Honey, you think you're all that, 413 00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:12,620 but you're just crap. 414 00:17:12,620 --> 00:17:14,274 Hey, that's our fucking queen, pal. 415 00:17:14,274 --> 00:17:16,886 Listen, I gotta rehearse some swordplay with Arthur. 416 00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:19,627 Okay, go. We'll move on to the Mordred scene. 417 00:17:22,456 --> 00:17:23,893 You know, you're the only one in this play 418 00:17:24,067 --> 00:17:25,503 who's actually giving me anything to work with. 419 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:26,504 Really? 420 00:17:26,721 --> 00:17:28,201 Yeah, it's funny. 421 00:17:28,201 --> 00:17:29,507 Whenever I want to get into character, 422 00:17:29,724 --> 00:17:31,030 I just look at you, 423 00:17:31,030 --> 00:17:32,336 because you're staring at me all wide eyed. 424 00:17:32,553 --> 00:17:36,079 Oh. Uh, sorry if I'm being creepy. 425 00:17:36,296 --> 00:17:37,645 Believe it or not, it's helping. 426 00:17:37,863 --> 00:17:39,691 Makes me feel like an actual queen. 427 00:17:39,909 --> 00:17:42,085 Well, that, uh, that makes sense, then, 428 00:17:42,302 --> 00:17:44,435 because you are kind of like the queen of the school. 429 00:17:44,652 --> 00:17:47,307 Do you want to run lines with me after rehearsal? 430 00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,353 I have a few scenes I'm shaky on, 431 00:17:49,570 --> 00:17:51,442 and Nathan's always trying on wigs. 432 00:17:51,659 --> 00:17:53,096 Yeah. 433 00:17:53,096 --> 00:17:54,706 Yeah, definitely. For sure. 434 00:17:54,924 --> 00:17:55,794 Cool. 435 00:17:55,794 --> 00:17:57,622 I live to serve, milady. 436 00:18:05,151 --> 00:18:06,892 So Lancelot and Arthur are fucking. 437 00:18:07,066 --> 00:18:08,938 I saw 'em wiping their dicks on the velvet curtain. 438 00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:10,504 You want to go get burgers? 439 00:18:17,337 --> 00:18:18,730 Okay. Everybody, gather around. 440 00:18:18,948 --> 00:18:20,166 I've got huge news. 441 00:18:20,384 --> 00:18:21,994 Are the pumpkin munchkins coming back? 442 00:18:22,212 --> 00:18:23,474 No, those were a complete disaster 443 00:18:23,691 --> 00:18:24,997 and they got a lot of people fired. 444 00:18:25,215 --> 00:18:26,999 What is happening is President Clinton 445 00:18:27,217 --> 00:18:29,001 is visiting Framingham next week... 446 00:18:29,219 --> 00:18:30,350 ...and he'll be stopping by 447 00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:31,830 this store. - What? 448 00:18:32,004 --> 00:18:33,310 The news is gonna be here, too. 449 00:18:33,310 --> 00:18:35,834 So, uh, Jurgis, if you could look American, 450 00:18:36,008 --> 00:18:36,748 that'd be great, buddy. 451 00:18:40,970 --> 00:18:42,797 Holy shit. 452 00:18:42,972 --> 00:18:44,974 This-- This is gonna be the best fucking day of my life. 453 00:18:45,191 --> 00:18:46,845 I thought you hated the President. 454 00:18:47,019 --> 00:18:48,107 Don't you see, Susan? 455 00:18:48,107 --> 00:18:49,326 This-- This is gonna be my chance 456 00:18:49,543 --> 00:18:51,328 to rip that fucking shithead a new asshole 457 00:18:51,545 --> 00:18:53,156 with the whole world watching. 458 00:18:53,156 --> 00:18:55,767 Remember when that happened to me when I had John? 459 00:18:55,985 --> 00:18:58,509 This is a great fucking day for America! 460 00:18:58,726 --> 00:19:00,337 At least I got to ride in a helicopter. 461 00:19:00,554 --> 00:19:02,339 All right, pal. What'll it be? 462 00:19:02,556 --> 00:19:04,341 Can I get a powdered donut and a tea? 463 00:19:04,558 --> 00:19:06,647 I'm not making tea for a guy. 464 00:19:10,260 --> 00:19:12,610 Come away with me, Guenevere. 465 00:19:12,827 --> 00:19:14,351 Surely you know I can't. 466 00:19:14,568 --> 00:19:17,615 And because you can't, you shan't? 467 00:19:17,832 --> 00:19:20,792 I have taken an oath before God to be with Arthur. 468 00:19:21,010 --> 00:19:24,535 Then shan't I ne'er you e'er? 469 00:19:24,752 --> 00:19:30,019 No. Farewell forever, my fair-- 470 00:19:30,019 --> 00:19:32,412 my fair Lancelot. 471 00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:35,372 - Wow! That was so good. - Really? 472 00:19:35,589 --> 00:19:36,982 Oh, my God. You guys were-- That was great. 473 00:19:37,156 --> 00:19:39,071 That was like a Folgers commercial. 474 00:19:39,289 --> 00:19:40,638 Cool. 475 00:19:40,855 --> 00:19:43,380 So are you excited about the show? 476 00:19:43,597 --> 00:19:44,424 It's only a week away. 477 00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:46,035 Well, yeah, I guess, 478 00:19:46,035 --> 00:19:47,471 but you're the one with the big starring role. 479 00:19:47,688 --> 00:19:49,386 Yeah, me and Johnny just got to stand there. 480 00:19:49,603 --> 00:19:52,911 Our whole job is to just not poop for those two hours. 481 00:19:53,912 --> 00:19:55,392 But, uh, what about you? 482 00:19:55,609 --> 00:19:57,394 I mean, I never pegged you as a theater girl. 483 00:19:57,611 --> 00:19:59,222 What with being a cheerleader and all. 484 00:19:59,222 --> 00:20:02,660 Secret's out. I really want to be an actress. 485 00:20:02,877 --> 00:20:05,619 In fact, my dad is paying a video guy five hundred bucks 486 00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:07,621 to tape the show for my Emerson application. 487 00:20:07,839 --> 00:20:09,449 No pressure, right? 488 00:20:09,449 --> 00:20:11,886 Wow. That-- That actually sounds like a lot of pressure. 489 00:20:12,061 --> 00:20:14,672 I hope you don't blow it all with one small mistake. 490 00:20:14,889 --> 00:20:16,630 Well, hey, if you need to be reminded 491 00:20:16,848 --> 00:20:18,023 that you're a queen up there, 492 00:20:18,197 --> 00:20:20,286 you just look at me. I got you. 493 00:20:20,504 --> 00:20:21,896 Thanks, John. 494 00:20:22,071 --> 00:20:23,724 John, I need to measure you for your armor. 495 00:20:23,942 --> 00:20:25,857 Oh. Yeah, all right. 496 00:20:26,075 --> 00:20:27,424 Hey, um, 497 00:20:27,641 --> 00:20:29,426 do you want to hang out after the show? 498 00:20:30,644 --> 00:20:33,038 We could celebrate or drown our sorrows, 499 00:20:33,212 --> 00:20:34,431 depending on the reviews. 500 00:20:34,648 --> 00:20:37,042 I-- I-- I think I might be free. 501 00:20:37,216 --> 00:20:38,957 He has no plans ever. He'll do it. 502 00:20:39,566 --> 00:20:41,220 Great. See you then. 503 00:20:44,223 --> 00:20:45,964 Holy shit. John, you just got a date 504 00:20:46,138 --> 00:20:47,531 with the hottest girl in school. 505 00:20:47,748 --> 00:20:49,272 Yeah, I guess I did. 506 00:20:49,272 --> 00:20:52,362 The humiliation of being a nobody is finally over. 507 00:20:52,579 --> 00:20:56,366 Hey, I need the smallest codpiece we have for John. 508 00:20:56,583 --> 00:20:57,628 wardrobe assistant: What about the extra, extra, 509 00:20:57,845 --> 00:20:59,108 extra small ones? 510 00:20:59,108 --> 00:21:01,458 No, those are still too big. 511 00:21:01,675 --> 00:21:04,113 Call the company and see if they can specially make 512 00:21:04,330 --> 00:21:07,725 a smaller codpiece than they've ever made before. For John. 513 00:21:07,942 --> 00:21:08,987 It's all right. No one even knows 514 00:21:09,161 --> 00:21:10,423 which John he's talking about. 515 00:21:10,423 --> 00:21:13,557 For John Bennett of 48, Clifford Lane, 516 00:21:13,774 --> 00:21:16,473 who has an extremely small crotch measurement. 517 00:21:18,692 --> 00:21:20,520 I hate the crew. 518 00:21:32,663 --> 00:21:35,013 Matty, is everything okay? 519 00:21:35,187 --> 00:21:36,232 Yeah, why? 520 00:21:36,449 --> 00:21:38,147 Because you're not screaming. 521 00:21:38,147 --> 00:21:41,280 That's 'cause today is the day I finally stick it up the ass 522 00:21:41,498 --> 00:21:43,021 of your President, Slick Willie. 523 00:21:43,021 --> 00:21:45,676 You're-- You're-- You're gonna do anal to Bill Clinton? 524 00:21:45,893 --> 00:21:47,634 You're goddamn right I am. 525 00:21:47,852 --> 00:21:50,811 And I'm gonna say, "Hey, thanks for creating so many new jobs, 526 00:21:51,029 --> 00:21:52,683 because now I got two of 'em." - Cool. 527 00:21:52,900 --> 00:21:54,902 I saw the political cartoon you stole that from. 528 00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:56,643 Then-- Then I'm gonna tell him-- I'm gonna say, 529 00:21:56,861 --> 00:21:58,863 "See you on the unemployment line, asshole. 530 00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:00,647 Because now that we got NAFTA, 531 00:22:00,865 --> 00:22:03,650 we can hire a Mexican President for 60% off." 532 00:22:03,868 --> 00:22:05,652 Why would you be on the unemployment line? 533 00:22:05,870 --> 00:22:07,132 You just said you have two jobs. 534 00:22:07,306 --> 00:22:08,264 That's only for the first joke. 535 00:22:08,481 --> 00:22:09,569 And then when he's walking off 536 00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:10,831 with his tail between his legs, 537 00:22:11,049 --> 00:22:12,224 I'm gonna go-- I'm gonna go, 538 00:22:12,442 --> 00:22:13,660 "Hey, what am I, the draft? 539 00:22:13,878 --> 00:22:15,227 'Cause you're dodging me." 540 00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:17,664 What about you, Aunt Suse? 541 00:22:17,882 --> 00:22:19,057 Are you excited to meet the President? 542 00:22:19,231 --> 00:22:20,667 I'm more excited about 543 00:22:20,885 --> 00:22:23,844 my baby's first big show this Friday. 544 00:22:24,062 --> 00:22:26,282 It's not that big a deal, Ma. We don't have any lines. 545 00:22:26,499 --> 00:22:28,197 I don't think the audience is even gonna notice us. 546 00:22:28,371 --> 00:22:31,069 Still, you're so brave to get up there with all those eyes 547 00:22:31,243 --> 00:22:33,680 staring at you. - What do you mean? 548 00:22:33,898 --> 00:22:35,682 Well, if I had five hundred people watching me, 549 00:22:35,900 --> 00:22:38,207 I'd be terrified. 550 00:22:38,381 --> 00:22:41,297 I don't know how the cast of Nunsense does it every night. 551 00:22:41,514 --> 00:22:43,734 - Five hundred? - Oh, at least. 552 00:22:43,951 --> 00:22:45,083 All at the same time. 553 00:22:45,083 --> 00:22:46,911 Oh, honey, the whole town's coming. 554 00:22:47,128 --> 00:22:48,782 I've told everybody. 555 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,220 My baby, the Broadway star. 556 00:22:53,222 --> 00:22:56,529 Oh, Matty, maybe I'll get my tap shoes out tonight. 557 00:22:56,747 --> 00:22:58,096 I threw 'em away. 558 00:23:05,756 --> 00:23:06,931 Remember to say, 559 00:23:06,931 --> 00:23:08,759 "Dunkin' Donuts just off the Mass Pike." 560 00:23:08,759 --> 00:23:10,195 Don't you worry. 561 00:23:10,369 --> 00:23:12,110 I know exactly what I'm gonna say. 562 00:23:13,590 --> 00:23:15,722 POTUS is on the move. 563 00:23:15,940 --> 00:23:17,724 Please only let the President have one donut. 564 00:23:19,944 --> 00:23:21,380 Matty, isn't this exciting? 565 00:23:21,598 --> 00:23:23,643 Oh my gosh. Here he comes. 566 00:23:23,861 --> 00:23:25,732 Well, hi there. 567 00:23:25,950 --> 00:23:27,995 Thanks for letting me visit with you this afternoon. 568 00:23:28,213 --> 00:23:30,650 Welcome to Dunkin' Donuts, Mr. President. 569 00:23:30,868 --> 00:23:32,609 Well, you must be Miss Massachusetts. 570 00:23:32,826 --> 00:23:35,307 Oh, dear. 571 00:23:35,525 --> 00:23:38,832 Oh. Mm. Uh, I have to pee. 572 00:23:39,050 --> 00:23:41,574 Well, gosh, what should I order? 573 00:23:41,792 --> 00:23:43,359 Let's see. Everything looks good. 574 00:23:43,576 --> 00:23:45,665 Any recommendations? - Yeah. 575 00:23:46,579 --> 00:23:49,930 I recommend you-- you do a-- you do a better job. 576 00:23:50,148 --> 00:23:51,758 - Pardon? - You-- 577 00:23:51,976 --> 00:23:54,195 You you're not doing a very good job. 578 00:23:54,370 --> 00:23:56,589 And-- And-- And, yeah. 579 00:23:56,807 --> 00:23:58,461 Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. 580 00:23:58,678 --> 00:24:00,201 I'd love to know your thoughts. 581 00:24:00,376 --> 00:24:02,769 Well, the-- 582 00:24:02,987 --> 00:24:05,772 Your economy is bad. 583 00:24:05,990 --> 00:24:07,687 Well, I feel your pain, 584 00:24:07,905 --> 00:24:09,776 and I want to hear your grievances. 585 00:24:09,994 --> 00:24:11,952 Listen, would you folks mind giving us a few minutes to talk? 586 00:24:12,170 --> 00:24:13,563 I think he's a little nervous. 587 00:24:13,780 --> 00:24:16,217 Of course, sir. We'll be right outside. 588 00:24:16,392 --> 00:24:18,829 Now, tell me what you're feeling. 589 00:24:18,829 --> 00:24:21,484 I think you stink. 590 00:24:21,701 --> 00:24:23,790 And-- And you're-- And you're doing a garbage job. 591 00:24:24,008 --> 00:24:25,879 - Really? - Yeah. 592 00:24:26,097 --> 00:24:28,229 Well, listen here, you pockmarked piece of shit. 593 00:24:28,404 --> 00:24:29,796 You got some set of fucking balls. 594 00:24:30,014 --> 00:24:31,624 I take time out of my day 595 00:24:31,624 --> 00:24:33,583 to visit your little shit shop and you're giving me lip? 596 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:35,846 Maybe the real problem is you're just a fucking loser. 597 00:24:36,063 --> 00:24:37,021 - But-- - Fuck you. 598 00:24:37,021 --> 00:24:38,457 Think you're so fucking tough 599 00:24:38,675 --> 00:24:40,024 with your fucking shitbag mouth. 600 00:24:40,024 --> 00:24:41,330 Why don't you take a swing at me, tough guy? 601 00:24:41,504 --> 00:24:42,809 I'll slap you back so hard 602 00:24:43,027 --> 00:24:44,681 you won't even recognize your own fucking dick. 603 00:24:44,898 --> 00:24:46,335 - Um-- - And get a shave, you pig. 604 00:24:46,509 --> 00:24:47,988 The fucking President's here. 605 00:24:47,988 --> 00:24:49,512 Now listen, throw some fucking Munchkins in a bag, 606 00:24:49,729 --> 00:24:50,904 give me a cup of coffee and shake my hand 607 00:24:51,122 --> 00:24:52,515 and smile to the window 608 00:24:52,732 --> 00:24:54,343 so people know we're having a good fucking time. 609 00:24:55,039 --> 00:24:55,909 Go! 610 00:25:03,700 --> 00:25:06,572 That's right. Keep smiling, you fucking dog's vagina. 611 00:25:07,356 --> 00:25:09,401 All right, they got it. 612 00:25:12,535 --> 00:25:14,101 Coffee's cold, asshole. 613 00:25:20,369 --> 00:25:23,154 I meet President, but still not Courteney Cox? 614 00:25:23,372 --> 00:25:24,851 What fuck? 615 00:25:28,507 --> 00:25:29,856 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 616 00:25:30,074 --> 00:25:32,119 Dude, the play is in two hours. I can't do this. 617 00:25:32,337 --> 00:25:33,947 Yes you can. It's gonna go great. 618 00:25:34,165 --> 00:25:36,036 Why did mom have to get into my fucking head? 619 00:25:36,254 --> 00:25:38,256 Hundreds of people watching. I can't go up there. 620 00:25:38,430 --> 00:25:40,127 I'm gonna panic. - Well, we can always bail. 621 00:25:40,345 --> 00:25:42,869 Yes. No. No, dude. We can't bail. 622 00:25:43,087 --> 00:25:44,567 Erin is never gonna go out with me, 623 00:25:44,784 --> 00:25:46,307 and she's gonna hate me for the rest of my life. 624 00:25:46,482 --> 00:25:47,700 I mean, you heard her. They're taping the show 625 00:25:47,918 --> 00:25:49,398 for her college application. 626 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:51,922 I got an idea. 627 00:25:51,922 --> 00:25:57,841 ♪ I want to be the girl ♪ ♪ With the most cake ♪ 628 00:25:59,364 --> 00:26:00,931 ♪ He only loves... ♪ 629 00:26:01,148 --> 00:26:02,889 - Blaire. - Whoa, dude. 630 00:26:03,107 --> 00:26:05,326 Ever heard of knocking? - Blair, we need your help. 631 00:26:05,501 --> 00:26:07,720 Aren't you guys supposed to be getting ready for your play? 632 00:26:07,938 --> 00:26:09,374 Yeah, well, Johnny's having some trouble. 633 00:26:09,548 --> 00:26:10,897 He needs a little, uh, something. 634 00:26:11,115 --> 00:26:12,551 You-- You got anything mellow? 635 00:26:12,769 --> 00:26:15,511 I thought we already established I'm not your dealer. 636 00:26:15,728 --> 00:26:17,382 Come on, Blair. Me and Johnny are smoked out. 637 00:26:17,556 --> 00:26:18,731 The cupboard is bare. 638 00:26:18,949 --> 00:26:20,211 Blair, please. I can't do it. 639 00:26:20,211 --> 00:26:21,430 I can't go out on that stage, all right? 640 00:26:21,604 --> 00:26:22,779 I am too scared. 641 00:26:22,996 --> 00:26:24,607 Please, I'm begging you. 642 00:26:25,434 --> 00:26:29,916 Okay. You're in luck. Paige made these brownies. 643 00:26:30,134 --> 00:26:31,918 Super mellow. - An edible? 644 00:26:32,136 --> 00:26:34,486 Yeah, I took one, like, 30 minutes ago, 645 00:26:34,704 --> 00:26:36,793 and I just feel super chill and focused. 646 00:26:37,010 --> 00:26:38,098 Take one right before you go on stage 647 00:26:38,098 --> 00:26:39,404 and you'll float through the play. 648 00:26:39,578 --> 00:26:40,579 Thank you, Blair. 649 00:26:40,797 --> 00:26:41,972 It's easy to lose sight of, 650 00:26:42,189 --> 00:26:43,930 but drugs are always the solution. 651 00:26:44,148 --> 00:26:45,715 So, we'll see you at the play? 652 00:26:45,932 --> 00:26:46,933 Absolutely not. 653 00:26:52,025 --> 00:26:54,375 All right, you ready? Here we go. 654 00:26:54,550 --> 00:26:55,812 Yeah, we're eating a brownie, 655 00:26:55,812 --> 00:26:57,683 not going to the fucking moon. Calm down. 656 00:27:01,992 --> 00:27:03,036 Hey, John. 657 00:27:03,646 --> 00:27:04,690 Erin. 658 00:27:05,474 --> 00:27:07,606 Wow. You look amazing. 659 00:27:07,824 --> 00:27:09,478 Thanks. You, too. 660 00:27:09,478 --> 00:27:12,742 I'll see you out there. Remember, you're my rock. 661 00:27:19,705 --> 00:27:21,490 Ted: Huh, big audience. 662 00:27:21,664 --> 00:27:23,753 Yeah, who cares? By the time we get out there, 663 00:27:23,970 --> 00:27:25,145 we're gonna be chill as fuck. 664 00:27:25,363 --> 00:27:27,017 John, you have a phone call. 665 00:27:28,322 --> 00:27:29,585 Hello? 666 00:27:29,802 --> 00:27:31,978 Guys, do not eat those brownies! 667 00:27:32,196 --> 00:27:33,980 - What? - They're laced with shrooms 668 00:27:34,198 --> 00:27:36,156 or some shit. I'm in fucking hell right now. 669 00:27:36,374 --> 00:27:37,549 - What's wrong? - She says not to eat 670 00:27:37,767 --> 00:27:38,898 - the brownies. - What? 671 00:27:39,116 --> 00:27:39,899 We already did. 672 00:27:40,117 --> 00:27:42,815 No! God. Oh, God. No! 673 00:27:43,033 --> 00:27:44,382 Oh, God, what's happening to you? 674 00:27:44,382 --> 00:27:46,776 I have to kill myself as a 500-year-old woman. 675 00:27:46,993 --> 00:27:48,604 Fuck! I can't talk. 676 00:27:48,821 --> 00:27:50,257 When I'm 500, I have to die. 677 00:27:50,475 --> 00:27:52,608 She's freaking out! What do we do? 678 00:27:52,825 --> 00:27:54,871 - Oh, shit! - What the fuck do we do? 679 00:27:55,088 --> 00:27:56,002 We gotta throw up. 680 00:27:57,917 --> 00:28:00,398 I don't know how girls do this all the time. It's impossible. 681 00:28:00,572 --> 00:28:03,401 I have no gag reflex. Please don't let that get out. 682 00:28:08,058 --> 00:28:09,799 Hey, Matty, I saw you on the news. 683 00:28:11,148 --> 00:28:13,063 - Yeah? - I gotta ask you. 684 00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:14,586 What did you say to the President? 685 00:28:14,804 --> 00:28:17,023 I-- I-- 686 00:28:17,241 --> 00:28:18,938 I called him a lying piece of shit, 687 00:28:19,156 --> 00:28:21,027 and-- and he almost cried. 688 00:28:21,245 --> 00:28:24,030 Yeah. And then-- And then I-- I threw a coffee at him. 689 00:28:24,248 --> 00:28:26,032 - Really? - Yeah. 690 00:28:26,250 --> 00:28:28,121 I-- I won. 691 00:28:28,339 --> 00:28:29,558 I like that Dunkin' Donuts. 692 00:28:29,558 --> 00:28:31,081 I saw Courteney Cox there once. 693 00:28:31,298 --> 00:28:34,693 Oh! You need to be joking me! 694 00:28:34,911 --> 00:28:36,303 Fuck, Teddy. We got ticking time bombs 695 00:28:36,521 --> 00:28:37,566 in our stomachs. 696 00:28:37,566 --> 00:28:39,089 Okay, let's just calm down here. 697 00:28:39,089 --> 00:28:40,220 How do you feel now? 698 00:28:41,134 --> 00:28:43,049 Right now, I actually feel fine. 699 00:28:43,267 --> 00:28:46,226 Me, too. Maybe-- Maybe Blair just can't handle her pot. 700 00:28:46,444 --> 00:28:48,751 Yeah. Oh, God, yeah. That's what it is. 701 00:28:48,968 --> 00:28:50,491 She's a lightweight. Not like us. 702 00:28:50,666 --> 00:28:52,058 We're fucking pot experts. 703 00:28:52,276 --> 00:28:53,712 Yeah, maybe it won't hit us as hard. 704 00:28:53,930 --> 00:28:55,801 Guards, thirty seconds. You're on. 705 00:28:59,326 --> 00:29:01,285 Oh, fuck. 706 00:29:01,502 --> 00:29:03,069 Dear Guenevere, 707 00:29:03,287 --> 00:29:05,506 your beauty is intoxicating. 708 00:29:05,681 --> 00:29:08,292 You mustn't say such things within the castle walls. 709 00:29:08,509 --> 00:29:10,163 I cannot withhold my feelings. 710 00:29:10,381 --> 00:29:12,383 I believe I'm falling in love with you. 711 00:29:12,601 --> 00:29:15,081 My darling Lancelot, lower your voice. 712 00:29:15,299 --> 00:29:17,083 The guards will hear you! 713 00:29:19,433 --> 00:29:22,698 I say, the guards will hear you! 714 00:29:31,620 --> 00:29:33,883 Everyone's staring at us. 715 00:29:34,100 --> 00:29:35,667 So many eyes. 716 00:29:37,626 --> 00:29:40,106 I don't know who's in the play anymore. 717 00:29:40,324 --> 00:29:43,283 I think the people not sitting in chairs are in the play. 718 00:29:43,501 --> 00:29:46,112 They're gonna know, Teddy. Everyone's watching us. 719 00:29:46,330 --> 00:29:47,940 They're all gonna know we're on drugs. 720 00:29:47,940 --> 00:29:50,769 No they're not. Nobody's gonna know we're on drugs. 721 00:29:50,987 --> 00:29:53,163 Oh, I'm sure they will. They're gonna know we're on drugs. 722 00:29:53,380 --> 00:29:55,121 No, not if we keep our voices down 723 00:29:55,339 --> 00:29:57,123 and whisper like we're doing right now. 724 00:29:57,341 --> 00:30:00,300 What an interesting plot twist. 725 00:30:01,171 --> 00:30:03,913 Lancelot, it-- it is impolitic 726 00:30:04,130 --> 00:30:06,002 for us to carry on in this fashion. 727 00:30:06,219 --> 00:30:08,308 - Line? - You don't have any lines. 728 00:30:08,526 --> 00:30:09,788 Okay, then I'll improvise. 729 00:30:09,788 --> 00:30:13,226 ALF, you can't eat the cat. It's Christmas. 730 00:30:15,881 --> 00:30:18,144 Jesus fucking Christ, are you pissing? 731 00:30:18,362 --> 00:30:21,365 It's too much pressure! I don't want to grow up! 732 00:30:21,582 --> 00:30:23,584 He's just a boy, everyone! 733 00:30:23,759 --> 00:30:25,151 What the fuck are you doing? 734 00:30:25,369 --> 00:30:28,198 Hey, there is a demon in my butthole, okay? 735 00:30:30,417 --> 00:30:31,592 Line? 736 00:30:36,685 --> 00:30:38,817 I mean, it could have been worse. 737 00:30:39,035 --> 00:30:40,558 We didn't die. 738 00:30:43,648 --> 00:30:45,171 - Erin. - Fuck you, John. 739 00:30:45,389 --> 00:30:46,695 Erin, wait. Please. I'm so sorry. 740 00:30:46,869 --> 00:30:48,392 Me and Teddy, we got fed some bad brownies, 741 00:30:48,609 --> 00:30:49,959 and I fucking-- I messed up, okay? 742 00:30:50,786 --> 00:30:52,265 But what we felt in those rehearsals, 743 00:30:52,483 --> 00:30:53,745 that was real, wasn't it? 744 00:30:54,703 --> 00:30:55,965 I mean, it was for me. 745 00:30:56,182 --> 00:30:57,662 Are you fucking insane? 746 00:30:57,662 --> 00:30:59,664 You just completely and massively fucked me over! 747 00:30:59,838 --> 00:31:02,623 Maybe we could talk about it down at Friendly's? 748 00:31:04,495 --> 00:31:07,324 I would literally rather have prison sex with Jeffrey Dahmer. 749 00:31:08,238 --> 00:31:09,413 Goodbye, John. 750 00:31:09,630 --> 00:31:10,762 And fuck you, Ted. 751 00:31:16,855 --> 00:31:19,249 You know, there's, like, a 10% chance 752 00:31:19,249 --> 00:31:20,467 we're still on stage. 753 00:31:24,428 --> 00:31:26,865 John: Activities. 754 00:31:27,083 --> 00:31:29,520 Did play. 755 00:31:29,738 --> 00:31:31,217 Nice. 756 00:31:38,442 --> 00:31:42,838 ♪ Oh, you've got a headful ♪ ♪ Of someone dreadful ♪ 757 00:31:42,838 --> 00:31:45,928 ♪ And yet, alas ♪ ♪ That someone adores you ♪ 758 00:31:47,494 --> 00:31:51,281 ♪ Everybody needs ♪ ♪ A best friend ♪ 759 00:31:51,281 --> 00:31:53,936 ♪ I'm happy I'm yours ♪ 760 00:31:53,936 --> 00:31:56,547 ♪ I'm just a clown ♪ 761 00:31:57,287 --> 00:32:00,507 ♪ And I'll bring you down ♪ 762 00:32:00,507 --> 00:32:02,596 ♪ But you just don't care ♪ 763 00:32:02,596 --> 00:32:06,687 ♪ 'Cause your ♪ 764 00:32:06,687 --> 00:32:09,168 ♪ Best friend is me ♪